(Please note that this is a piece of historical fiction. It is based on real facts, but is not necessarily historically accurate.)
I can do it. I thought, lying there on my bed. I had my head propped up with all of my pillows, and I was completely covered with my beautiful blankets, yet I still couldn't sleep. Tomorrow, I will save Rome from the tyranny of Julius Caesar, and restore the Republic that once made this land so great.
What if this doesn't work though? This question kept plaguing my head. Was I to be killed? It didn't matter: I would at least go down fighting. People would remember me as the man who tried to restore the Roman Republic. Maybe someone else would follow my lead and do the job for me, maybe Cassius would do it if I die. I really hoped so.
I kept telling myself that once I killed him, I would become a national hero. The power of Rome would probably get transferred to the Senate, then the Republic could soon be restored. It was almost too perfect.
I didn't sleep one wink that night. The anticipation of what was to happen the next day was too much for me.
The next morning, over my wine-dipped bread and eggs, It hit me. I was to kill Caesar in a few hours. I was to change Rome forever with my actions.
Then, I thought about backing out. I really wanted to stop and turn around and just hope someone else would kill him. I thought, another person probably would. I thought, will it matter if it was me or a different person who killed him? Maybe I can get someone else to do it...
No. I had to do it.
Soon after, I was to meet Cassius and many other Senators at the Senate House. Then, we were to walk up to the Theatre of Pompey. That was where it was to be done. It. The single most important deed of my entire life. It was to make me a hero in Rome. I hoped it was going to be easy.
I was going to be late if I didn't get moving. They would be waiting for me at the Senate House.
As I arrived there, I saw that no one else seemed to have had very much sleep either. It also seemed that everyone, at one time or another, had had the same irresolution that I did. But they had all decided to come, just as I did.
This was it. No turning back now.
I checked to make sure my knife was safe in the folds of my toga. I wondered what it would look like when it had Julius Caesar's blood dripping all over it. I couldn't wait until it did.
"Is everyone here?" I asked Cassius. He seemed confident, few of these men did.
"I think so."
Then we all gathered, and I helped them realize what they were about to do.
"We are about to change Rome forever with our actions. The death of Julius Caesar will bring about great change and, hopefully, the restoration of the Republic. Each of you has shown up today, as I have, with the intention of ending the life of a tyrannical dictator. And hopefully we will succeed in doing so. Then we will be remembered as great heroes. We can forever know that we helped to bring about great change, and know that we helped to make Rome a republic again."
My speech seemed to liven them up a little bit. They seemed much more ready to go and commit "tyrannicide" now. Now if only I were more ready.
Well ready or not, I went ahead. I marched them up the street, and towards the Theatre of Pompey, where Caesar was. Where he was to be killed.
That seemed to be the longest walk of my life. I kept thinking of turning back and running away from them. But, each time I thought about it, I told myself I'd never forgive myself if I ran away now. So, I kept on going...
When we had almost gotten there I walked up to him. He smiled at me and asked what I was doing here. I then asked myself the same question.
"Well, this is it." I told myself.
Cassius started it for me. He carefully took his knife from where it was hidden in his toga and stabbed him in the neck. Then, it was my turn. I took my knife, and stabbed him too. First, the sharp blade tore through the fabric of his toga praetexta. As it ripped his flesh, he let out a groan. That has to have been the most tortured sound I had ever heard.
Then Caesar, now dripping blood on the floor, looked up at me with a distressed look in his eyes.
"Et tu, Brute?" he said. "You too, Brutus?"
I had defied him. He had thought that I was his friend. He had been wrong. This man that I was killing had done so many things for me. He had made me governor of Macedonia and Ciscapline Gaul. When I had joined with Pompey against him, he forgave me. Now, here I was, killing him. I should feel more guilt.
Then, he died. Right then and there, he stopped breathing. Many other Senate members took slashes at him, each causing the red puddle beneath him to grow. It was done. Rome was changed forever.
"Now I have done it! I repeated to myself over and over.
Well, it had been done. I certainly had my regrets, as anyone will after doing something so drastic. My head swarmed with thoughts. "I shouldn't have done it... I just ended a man's life," and, "I have saved Rome from the tyrannous rule of Julius Caesar!" to, "I now will be remembered forever for my great deed." I didn't know what to think.
Everything had gone exactly as planned. It was too perfect. Something was destined to go wrong.
It did. At Caesar's funeral, Mark Antony made a speech. He was the one to make it go wrong. In his speech, he made everyone "remember" what a great man Caesar was! Ha! A great man! He rigged it so that the Senate declared him Dictator of all of Rome! Rome could have been so much greater without him! It was so much better off as a republic! Why didn't these people see that...?
This wasn't what was supposed to happen. Everyone was supposed to thank me and make me a hero. Rome was supposed to become a republic again. Instead, Rome will probably fall to Mark Antony or Octavian. And the Romans are saying what a great man Julius Caesar was!
Well, I couldn't take it anymore, it got too bad in Rome. I had to leave, so I did. I went to Macedonia. There I stayed for a while. I got an army together, and so did Cassius. We were going to try and take Rome back again.
It seemed that Mark Antony had also gotten an army together with Octavian. So, inevitably, we met in battle. At first, it seemed that Cassius and I were going to win, but soon our luck began to fail, and our future looked bleak.
We ended up losing the battle at Phillipi. That was when we knew that it was over. A messenger from Rome came to tell me the bad news.
"Brutus," he said, "I have received word that Mark Antony had intentions of capturing and killing Cassius and you."
I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. Was I just supposed to stay where I was and be humiliated by Mark Antony? I couldn't. Should I run away again? I couldn't do that. I would look like even more of a coward than I already did. Should I just end it all now? I could just fall on a sword, and it would all be completely over. For now, that seemed to be the best solution. What else was I to do?
I thought about ending my life for a long time. Sure, I had thought about it before. When Pompey had been killed and I thought that Caesar would put me to death too. I even thought about it when I was a child and my father died. But I don't think I ever had a better opportunity than now.
I made my decision. I was going to do it. All of this could be over
in just a few seconds. All that I needed was a sword. That's all that it
would take. Only a sword. Only a sword...
by Ginny W. '02, Germantown Academy